Love Is What Remains

anyway. so it is somewhat strange my dream is to read/write the Ultimate Version of harry and draco. but in the end, i just want to write what i truly believe. i want to find out what that is. i want to speak in the voices of these characters, i want to really -find- their voices within me.
    and maybe i can just write it as i see it. This Is How It Must've Been, like a reconstruction, a piecing back together of a theoretical history of their love. This is Why. like a game with moves and counter-moves, that dance of emotion and action that ends up with the flowering of realization. there are the constraints of character, of their situations, of the presence of secondary characters, parents, foes, teachers. by the presence of end result, of desired dynamic, of given outside circumstances, you should be able to add in your own imagination and vision, and achieve the story you believe should be written.... or not. *sigh*

( anyway. a cookie from `tangent'-- which isn't what i believe, but nonethelesss it is a piece of it.... )

i dunno. unlikely to get commentary but i can't help hoping. it's all raw and tender (in my mind), but it's different from the way i've been writing them. i wasn't quite channeling either of them, and thus don't know if i suck or not, but it's what came out of my rantings and bitterness, so um. yah. i hate writing "angst", but sometimes i just can't figure out how to find the way through this thicket of emotion and hopelesness that passes for love (well, sometimes). sometimes there just seems to be pain, and lost chances and recriminations and a certain feeling of fate. i hate fate, really. but strangely, i like destiny.

( so without further ado.... )